Holiday Blues Justified

Thank GOD we're starting a New Year. I hate to be negative and end the year like this, but it's hard to enjoy the Holiday Season when all your doing is disappointing people.

I know this is possibly the worst thing I could be doing (posting), but at this point, I don't EFFING care anymore! I have had this feeling eating at me for a few days now, and I need to take my frustration out on my key board, 'cause the computer won't accuse me of being crazy. You see, If you voice your opinion out loud, you are crazy. Or didn't everyone know that?

It is very hard to feel happy when you're being "strong armed" to conform. Then, when you don't comply with the majority, a wet blanket of guilt is thrown over you. The last time I checked, I didn't join the military. This is a free country too right?

No matter what, we are always made to feel as though we're a burden. We're told that everything is for us, and we NEVER give enough back. It hurts! I grew up with that feeling my whole life. Nothing was ever enough for my Dad, and he was very quick to let us know. I always was the peace maker, and the people pleaser. It used to make me feel better, when my actions were recognized. After a while, if you always miss your target, you run out of arrows. YES, I do have issues with my childhood. I'll be the first to admit it. It's a good thing my mom was the buffer.

I made a promise to myself for the Holiday's (two posts ago), and until a few days ago, I lived up to it. I know now I must make more promises to myself. Let's call them my resolutions:

I will be happy with who I am, not who I make happy.
I will not ever fall victim to peer pressure again.
I stand for my beliefs, no matter who or what tries to get in my way.
I can't always change how people feel ,because, sometimes it's their problem.

It's more like a High School peer group mission statement, then again, I guess some never evolve past grade 12. Maybe I haven't either. I think it's time to bury "Al Bundy".

Happy New Year!

Your Favorite Christmas Gift.

my mom inspired this topic.

what is the most favorite gift you ever received for Christmas?

over all the years, i have two that really stick out.

this first one was by far the best! it was a barbie make up case. i got it for christmas when i was 8. it was a pink (of course) oval case with three eye shadow colors: powder blue, bubble gum pink, and lavender. then a creme rouge, and a square bottle filled with "perfume", which was more like diluted soap. i think i applied make up every day! i looked more like a drag queen than barbie, but i thought i was beautiful. i remember having a dress up party with the red headed irish girl who lived down the block. she always played with her mothers crazy make up, or was it her crazy mother's make up??... (she was an elvis freak!!!) once i got my own make up kit, i knocked her socks off!

the next one was an electric blanket. i was 12. it was the ugliest brown color, but was the coziest thing i ever snuggled with.

thanks mom, for buying those things for me! i appreciate every late hour you stayed up wrapping all those gifts, and every minute you stood over watching us decorate those cookies. i hope they were fun for you too!

Holiday Blues

'Tis the season!

I always get anxious this time of year. My mind races and I have trouble getting to sleep some nights thinking about Christmas. I can't quite put my finger on WHY I feel this way. No, I know what it is.



It's the pressure of purchasing gifts. Trying to make sure that everyone is happy with them. I think to myself, "Am I spending enough, too much? Did I buy enough for this person, or would money in an envelope be O.K.? " Why should it have to come down to this? I hate how Christmas is so corrupted by all the retailers. Why can't it just be about family, and gathering around the table for a meal, and for crying out loud THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD!!!!!! I miss singing "silent night", and "Hark the herald angels". Most kids today think the holidays are about a Turkey and Santa bringing them gifts, how horrible!



From this day forward, I am making a promise to myself. I will enjoy the holidays! I won't worry about gifts, I won't worry about if someone is upset if we can't spend a holiday with them. I have to think about starting our own family traditions of going out to buy a tree, and decorating it to Christmas songs by the fire. Enjoying Christmas breakfast with my husband and kids. Going to church to celebrate, for it is a religious holiday.

I am going to relax, and take a deep breath.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

My 5K Foiled!!

In preparation for running the Halloween 5k, I started to feel a twinge in my right knee. The day it really bugged me was a fantastic running day. The air was crisp, and the sun beamed. I was getting on my 4th mile and it felt like a dull pop in my inside knee.

crap, no way. Just when I was feeling so great

I decided to press on, and pretend nothing was wrong.

Mind over body, Mind over body

I repeated over and over again, and then the little doctor in my head said

Stop!!!! You idiot, you are not making things any better!!


I decided to lay off for a few days, and see if the knee would recover. I took advil prophylacticly, and was easy on it. After about 3 days, I set off again. This time the knee began to shout at me after about a mile. I walked the rest of the way, and rested my knee for a few more days, only to have it yell at me again after mile #1. Arggghhh!!!! It is so frustrating, because I was just getting back into running again. I was supposed to do this 5k with the other rizzi girls, and go for a post run party at the local bar. this was supposed to be my "free"day. My hubby was prepared to put in a days work with the kids, and let me have a full day of exercise, followed by drinking. Stupid joint!! I just hope I won't need another at some point.

Now, hubby and I are joining the park district center and will have the opportunity to work out closer to home. We were members of Bally's for years, but the local facility id HORRIBLE! the park district has a great indoor, and outdoor track, and has plenty of fun classes all day. they're babysitting facility is nice and clean which is a super plus, because bally's was sickening.

Maybe I can go and cheer the sisters on, and still partake in some post run partying.

Seven is Heaven for All Mankind

I remember the day I first slipped a pair of these jeans on to my body. Oh, was I convinced that designer jeans were the "shit!" I tried on a few coveted brands, Joe's Jeans, True Religion, but the Seven for All Mankind (not just 7, just to be clear) were perfect! This first pair were the only ones I payed full price for, the others were on the clearance rack at Nordstrom Rack, but were still higher priced for jeans. I had a few pair from Gap, Express, and Polo, which were nice and all. None of them compared to the Seven's. It's something about the way the pocket fits on the tush, and how the denim feels. I never had a pair of jeans feel and look so damn good!

I guess I felt better showing off the burgundy tag, and signature swoosh on the pockets. It's like getting a really nice bag, for some reason I felt like a better person. Sad but true, and true for a lot of you out there, so don't "poo poo" me! If I had tons of money, I'd spend it on purses and jeans, I just now realized that.

Yesterday, I went for a hair cut, and my stylist had on some awesome jeans. I couldn't stop looking at them. I needed to have some. After my appointment, I popped on over to Nordstrom Rack, and started my mad search. I grabbed the True Religions, the Paige, Luckies, Rock and Republic's, but couldn't find MY FAVORITE. This was terrible. After piling 7 pairs of jeans onto my arm, and taking my last look around...AHHH, there they were. Beams of light came from the ceiling and created a halo around the WHOLE rack of them. I purred like a kitten no, a tiger and attacked the rack.

As I entered the dressing room, I set the Seven's apart from the rest. I tried on all the other ones just to see how they fit. I actually like the Paige Jeans a lot, and almost bought some, but as soon as the Seven's went on, It was like coming home after a long trip. These are home for my ass! I ended up purchasing a pair of the Dojo style. They have a wider leg, than a boot cut, but not really flared. They're SWEET!!!!!

I now have 4 pair in my closet, but the one pair I was the proudest of, I need to sell. I don't think I'll ever fit into them ever again. The day I put on, and actually fit into a size 24 jean was a fabulous one. I only wore them 3 times, and then I got pregnant. Figures. I thought about holding onto them, for inspiration, but maybe that's stupid. I'm sure someone else would enjoy them. And "NO" they are not out of style! If any of you know someone who wears a size 24 and wants to bye a pair of designer jeans, let me know, otherwise, I'll take them to a resale shop.



Later today, it's off to the tailor to have them hemed. I need to were them as soon as possible!!

My New " Official" Friend

About two months ago, I was at the park with V and A, swinging them on the swings. I saw a young woman with a baby walking over. Instantly V started pointing and screaming "Bahhh Bahhh Bahhh Bi!" for baby. "Yes, It's a baby" I replied, and the woman walked right over.




I was surprised she wasn't Eastern European, like most woman at the park are. She said hello, and asked the normal questions, "how old are your kids? are they twins?" etc... so, back and fourth we went. I was happy to find out that she lives only a block and a half from us, and her son is about a year old. She just quit her job to stay home with her son, and was in need of some advise, or just needed to vent. In a matter of 1/2 hour we had hit it off. I told her that I come to the park every day, and I'd see her again soon.



Over that past few months, we'd see one another at the park, sit with the kids and swap stories. I referred to her as my "new friend". She had grown up around us, and seemed pretty down to earth. We actually have a lot in common, and I was exited to see her at the park, 'cause I knew I'd have some adult conversation. About a week had passed, and I hadn't been to the park. I felt bad, so I decided to write her a note, and wrote my number down for her if she ever wanted to get together during the fall or winter. As I wrote it, I thought
" Is this too fast? Am I being too forward? Will I scare her off?" I guess it's the feeling of having a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Are there rules here? I had made friends after high school and college, but they are people I worked with and saw on a daily basis. Eventually, I became social enough with these people to hang out with them, and, to this day, am very close to them. I never thought meeting someone off the street would be this ...awkward.



So, a few days ago I we ran into one another at the park. She came with an invitation to her sons 1st Birthday party, and we talked about the girl I use for a baby sitter. I had offered to share my baby sitter with her, because I really didn't need her on a weekly basis. I knew my friend had started to look for someone, an since the girl that watched V and A is so great, I thought I'd share the love.



After talking with the babysitter, and making sure she'd be o.k. with it, I called my friend to give her the phone #. The phone rang, and I was nervous. Wait, I'm Thirty Three (almost)and I can't call a person who lives down the street? I'm good at this! I'm pretty cool, I can make a new friend, who doesn't like... ME?
Feww, voice mail. I leave a short message with the babysitters phone number. About an hour later, my "friend" calls me back to let me know that she got my message, and she called the sitter and made arrangements. She then asked what I was doing later (!!!?)



Is this a date?



"Ummm, nothing, what do you want to do? Do you want to go out, or stay around here? Wanna come over?"



"sure" she replies, "I'll call you when the baby wakes up".



At about 3:30, she calls me to let me know she's on her way. I got very exited! A play date, how fun. So we sat around for about two hours, and talked. She's pretty funny. We shared dysfunctional family stories, pregnancy stories, the whole bit. It was great!



So, today my friend calls me to thank me for referring her to the babysitter. It just so happens that the sharing situation is going to work out really well. We sat on the phone for a while and talked. She then she tells me how thankful she is to have met me, and how funny it is to make a new friend. She had mad the "dating" reference, and how long she thought she should she wait to call me, two or four days. It was really funny. I think it's great that she felt the same way.



It's official, we're friends.

Leashing your child

Last Sunday, Rick and I took the kids to the Zoo for the first time. We had such a great time. It was a little hot, but we managed. I made sure V and A were napped and fed, to ensure their happiness, and ours.

The kids were so exited to see the animals, and we were exited for them. A was screaming with joy when she saw the dolphins, and V started signing for elephant once we strolled upon them. At the Children's Zoo, they were able to get up close to the farm animals, V even touched a goat. There is this gated in area where the kids can follow goats around and brush them. V was happy holding my husbands hand, and just admiring everything from afar, but our darling daughter was like a caged animal herself. She darted around just happy to be free from the stroller. A is so fast now, and HATES it when we hold her hand. She goes into a tantrum and throws herself on the ground and jumps on her butt. At that point we have to scoop her up and carry on with the day.




After the monkey house, we let her run down the path leading back to the stroller area. She again took off, and started greeting other people. At one point our littler angel, stumbled upon a man with a baby. She pointed and said "bahby, bahby!!" and approached the man (who seemed as though he enjoyed a few too many of the Zoo beers). This man reached out to A saying in a thick accent, " Ahh, beautiful child!!, Come Come here", and tried to pick her up. My husband immediately, snatched A up and walked toward me and V, and told our social butterfly to say goodbye. She kicked and screamed for a few seconds, wanting to be put down.



A just started walking 6 weeks ago, and is already little miss independent. I fear she'll be one of those kids who will disappear in a second, when you're attention is taken off of her. I have heard too many stories of kids vanishing, luckily found, but I don't want to experience the horror of losing a child. If I am ever with them by myself, I know she'll take off on me. V, on the other hand, will be hanging on to me with out a problem. I have seen people who have these backpack harnesses for their kids. Some adults think it is stupid to put your kid on a leash, but I think sometimes, you just have no other choice.



My dear sister-in-law picked one up for me at Wal-Mart, she was going there anyway, and saved me the trip. I really think that is is a necessity, if you are in crowds, and can't put them in the stroller for some reason. Safety first right?