here we go!
i am, again, struggling with SOCIETY! actually, i think my husband is the one struggling with them and i'm the one counter- acting against him.
here is the story.
my precious little babies are not walking yet. BIG EFFING DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are going to be 14 months old, and they have been (according to the stupid books) hitting their physical milestones late by two months.
i have closed my books A LONG time ago, but it's the PEOPLE out there who REMIND us that they might be "behind". two people last week couldn't get over the fact that they are so "tiny". three people this week have referred to my children as "lazy". we were also told that our daughter is smarter than her brother because she is more driven to walk. lastly, i'm sick of the condescending, "oh, it's o.k. they were early right?".
first of all, my books are not the problem. i read as much as i can and take what i want from them. the right books give a range of milestones, and are sure to tell you that every child is different.
what baby is lazy??? babies are always busy. my kids never stop moving, talking, playing. no, my son is not the most agile 14 month old, but neither was i. i think i was about 16 months old when i finally started walking, and i'm not horribly challenged (alright, maybe mathematically). why would a girl walking before a boy mean he is not smart, or that she is smarter than he is??
oh, and for the record, 36 1/2 weeks gestation is not really early for a twin pregnancy, or for a singleton pregnancy for that matter. my children are fine!!! neither the pediatrician or i, are concerned about their development. i think daddy is the one who is really worried that his kids are...slow, or a wussy, or heaven forbid, turn out like him (his words).
when people call my kids "bad", or "lazy" the claws come out! look, i'm not the type of mom who won't own up to her kids bad behavior, don't get me wrong. i encourage you people to call my kids out on the wrong things they might do. i don't want V and A to go around thinking they can do or say whatever they want and only mom or dad will reprimand them. i do , however, think the correction has to be warranted. dropping food on the floor doesn't make a 14 month old a "bad girl", and not walking doesn't make a 14 month old "lazy".
unfortunately, we live in a world of percentiles, labels and over achievers. the little league dads and soccer moms cursing from the sidelines when their child's team loses. or, grounding their son because he didn't get straight A's on his spelling tests. what the hell are we teaching them?? that, if they are not up to par, they're "lazy". we wonder why so many kids get depressed, have anxiety, and pull out their own eyelashes. we do it to them! so, i have to protect my kids. i want them to feel good about who they are, and concentrate on the things they do well. it's harder to forget a negative than remember a positive. the old "sticks and stones" saying, is not true. words can crush a delicate self esteem, and name calling definitely does hurt. i'm not going to be polite anymore. the next time i feel my children are subject to name calling, i will attack!!
i have been called names, we all have. i once had a teacher tell me, in anger, that i would never make it to the next grade. to a 9 year old, it means "your stupid". my husband calls himself stupid almost everyday, and it breaks my heart to know why he thinks so.
i'm sure one of you can remember something someone has said to you as a child that will be with you forever.
11 comments:
You are absolutely right- we get so wrapped up in those percentiles that compare our children to other children. I can guarantee you that V will walk into his first day of preschool on his own two legs- probably already knowing his alphabet. The current thing seems to be the BMI (body mass index) number for kids. I guess b/c this country is struggling with childhood obesity, those of us who are conscious of our childrens' diets and take them for physicals are the ones being burdoned by the pressure of this number. My 8yr old has always been over 75% for weight and is now 50% for height- this calculates somehow to a bmi of 17 which the nurse told me is just barely acceptable... excuse me? My kid is not overweight- it makes me want to post a photo- he is a lanky 8yr-old boy who is very physically active and has a healthier diet than most. We all have to just let go of these crazy numbers- easier said than done, I know, but they will survive it, and so will we.
P.S. Errint- never offended, my boys are redheads- did you know that only 3% of people have red hair? ...here we go again...
You don't need to worry about all that stuff- Julia was 16 mos and was potty trained at 2yr 4 mos and it took along time for her. Daniela was walking by a year never crawled, but potty trained in 1 day by the age of 2. My precious baby rocky took her fist step at 6mos and has no flipping interest in using the bathroom and she won't loose that NUK ! and franky she doesn't give a damn. So my outlook, she can't take the NUK to college and she will eventually train herself - on her terms. Which has made alcohol at our house a ritual every night . Don't give up ! Everyone and every kid is different, and who cares whatever one thinks and says- your house, your kids. Most important issue, you raise the kids to have respect for themselves and for others- and to hold there heads up high, everything will work its way.
love you !
you are both right. i wish other people out there wouldn't care about the percentiles, shoe size, and when they will walk.
the kids Dr. is so great. she only tells us the percentile they are in because she has to. she believes it's a bunch of "hooey" and takes the fact that rick and i are smaller people into consideration. she also explained to us that by 2- 21/2 there won't be much of a difference. parents are so competetive now, and i hate it!
Jeez - how can a baby be lazy?
I suspect that Vaughn will be extremely analytical when he's older. His focus is phenomenal. I'll bet he'll be spatially gifted (an Engineer). Avery is just a mover and a shaker!
I can't believe that Rick thinks he is stupid. When he starts talking about financial strategies, I just can't follow and my eyes glaze over.
Okay, when I was little Dj and I went to this babysitters house everyday for about 2 years. Her daughter was a year older than I was and in the gifted program. Now, I was tested for gifted and passed but I don't believe in the program so I decided not to do it. But this woman always would say that her kid was smarter than me so ha ha in our faces. and I would always think why can't you just have a good heart and be nice. It doesn't matter if you can walk or do this or that at a certain time. I totally get you and I've spent a lot of time with V and A and theres really "lazy" about them, I can't keep up with them!
really nothing "lazy" about them ***
all these standards are ridiculous! the parents get the anxiety and fear and project it on to the kids. every child in this world is special in their own way and if all these kids were perfect, how boring this world would be! we need to celebrate their uniqueness and encourage their strenghths. V & A are perfect - LOVED by so many people who adore them - and blessed to have u both as parents! Sometimes i just don't understand people and their ignorant comments...
...and when Rocky creates a high-end designer "Chooch" one day at the "Chooch" Factory we will all b so proud!!!
The twins are amazing. Case losed!
you know what the best reply is to a parent who gloats, "my child was already doing such-and-such at X months..."? [best said with knickerbacher voice]
congratulations!
shuts 'em up every time. i mean, what do they expect you to say to that? "ooh, my baby is broken."
i don't get this can you change super marvel to DJ's blog.
What is a knickerbacher voice?
Funny thing is....years and years ago, black mommas were EMBARRASSED if thier babies showed any early physical ability because they thought that it indicated mental deficiency (think monkey). Isn't that sad?!
Why does it always have to be a competition!
The twins are way marvelous!
Post a Comment