Holiday Blues Justified

Thank GOD we're starting a New Year. I hate to be negative and end the year like this, but it's hard to enjoy the Holiday Season when all your doing is disappointing people.

I know this is possibly the worst thing I could be doing (posting), but at this point, I don't EFFING care anymore! I have had this feeling eating at me for a few days now, and I need to take my frustration out on my key board, 'cause the computer won't accuse me of being crazy. You see, If you voice your opinion out loud, you are crazy. Or didn't everyone know that?

It is very hard to feel happy when you're being "strong armed" to conform. Then, when you don't comply with the majority, a wet blanket of guilt is thrown over you. The last time I checked, I didn't join the military. This is a free country too right?

No matter what, we are always made to feel as though we're a burden. We're told that everything is for us, and we NEVER give enough back. It hurts! I grew up with that feeling my whole life. Nothing was ever enough for my Dad, and he was very quick to let us know. I always was the peace maker, and the people pleaser. It used to make me feel better, when my actions were recognized. After a while, if you always miss your target, you run out of arrows. YES, I do have issues with my childhood. I'll be the first to admit it. It's a good thing my mom was the buffer.

I made a promise to myself for the Holiday's (two posts ago), and until a few days ago, I lived up to it. I know now I must make more promises to myself. Let's call them my resolutions:

I will be happy with who I am, not who I make happy.
I will not ever fall victim to peer pressure again.
I stand for my beliefs, no matter who or what tries to get in my way.
I can't always change how people feel ,because, sometimes it's their problem.

It's more like a High School peer group mission statement, then again, I guess some never evolve past grade 12. Maybe I haven't either. I think it's time to bury "Al Bundy".

Happy New Year!

Your Favorite Christmas Gift.

my mom inspired this topic.

what is the most favorite gift you ever received for Christmas?

over all the years, i have two that really stick out.

this first one was by far the best! it was a barbie make up case. i got it for christmas when i was 8. it was a pink (of course) oval case with three eye shadow colors: powder blue, bubble gum pink, and lavender. then a creme rouge, and a square bottle filled with "perfume", which was more like diluted soap. i think i applied make up every day! i looked more like a drag queen than barbie, but i thought i was beautiful. i remember having a dress up party with the red headed irish girl who lived down the block. she always played with her mothers crazy make up, or was it her crazy mother's make up??... (she was an elvis freak!!!) once i got my own make up kit, i knocked her socks off!

the next one was an electric blanket. i was 12. it was the ugliest brown color, but was the coziest thing i ever snuggled with.

thanks mom, for buying those things for me! i appreciate every late hour you stayed up wrapping all those gifts, and every minute you stood over watching us decorate those cookies. i hope they were fun for you too!

Holiday Blues

'Tis the season!

I always get anxious this time of year. My mind races and I have trouble getting to sleep some nights thinking about Christmas. I can't quite put my finger on WHY I feel this way. No, I know what it is.



It's the pressure of purchasing gifts. Trying to make sure that everyone is happy with them. I think to myself, "Am I spending enough, too much? Did I buy enough for this person, or would money in an envelope be O.K.? " Why should it have to come down to this? I hate how Christmas is so corrupted by all the retailers. Why can't it just be about family, and gathering around the table for a meal, and for crying out loud THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD!!!!!! I miss singing "silent night", and "Hark the herald angels". Most kids today think the holidays are about a Turkey and Santa bringing them gifts, how horrible!



From this day forward, I am making a promise to myself. I will enjoy the holidays! I won't worry about gifts, I won't worry about if someone is upset if we can't spend a holiday with them. I have to think about starting our own family traditions of going out to buy a tree, and decorating it to Christmas songs by the fire. Enjoying Christmas breakfast with my husband and kids. Going to church to celebrate, for it is a religious holiday.

I am going to relax, and take a deep breath.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

My 5K Foiled!!

In preparation for running the Halloween 5k, I started to feel a twinge in my right knee. The day it really bugged me was a fantastic running day. The air was crisp, and the sun beamed. I was getting on my 4th mile and it felt like a dull pop in my inside knee.

crap, no way. Just when I was feeling so great

I decided to press on, and pretend nothing was wrong.

Mind over body, Mind over body

I repeated over and over again, and then the little doctor in my head said

Stop!!!! You idiot, you are not making things any better!!


I decided to lay off for a few days, and see if the knee would recover. I took advil prophylacticly, and was easy on it. After about 3 days, I set off again. This time the knee began to shout at me after about a mile. I walked the rest of the way, and rested my knee for a few more days, only to have it yell at me again after mile #1. Arggghhh!!!! It is so frustrating, because I was just getting back into running again. I was supposed to do this 5k with the other rizzi girls, and go for a post run party at the local bar. this was supposed to be my "free"day. My hubby was prepared to put in a days work with the kids, and let me have a full day of exercise, followed by drinking. Stupid joint!! I just hope I won't need another at some point.

Now, hubby and I are joining the park district center and will have the opportunity to work out closer to home. We were members of Bally's for years, but the local facility id HORRIBLE! the park district has a great indoor, and outdoor track, and has plenty of fun classes all day. they're babysitting facility is nice and clean which is a super plus, because bally's was sickening.

Maybe I can go and cheer the sisters on, and still partake in some post run partying.

Seven is Heaven for All Mankind

I remember the day I first slipped a pair of these jeans on to my body. Oh, was I convinced that designer jeans were the "shit!" I tried on a few coveted brands, Joe's Jeans, True Religion, but the Seven for All Mankind (not just 7, just to be clear) were perfect! This first pair were the only ones I payed full price for, the others were on the clearance rack at Nordstrom Rack, but were still higher priced for jeans. I had a few pair from Gap, Express, and Polo, which were nice and all. None of them compared to the Seven's. It's something about the way the pocket fits on the tush, and how the denim feels. I never had a pair of jeans feel and look so damn good!

I guess I felt better showing off the burgundy tag, and signature swoosh on the pockets. It's like getting a really nice bag, for some reason I felt like a better person. Sad but true, and true for a lot of you out there, so don't "poo poo" me! If I had tons of money, I'd spend it on purses and jeans, I just now realized that.

Yesterday, I went for a hair cut, and my stylist had on some awesome jeans. I couldn't stop looking at them. I needed to have some. After my appointment, I popped on over to Nordstrom Rack, and started my mad search. I grabbed the True Religions, the Paige, Luckies, Rock and Republic's, but couldn't find MY FAVORITE. This was terrible. After piling 7 pairs of jeans onto my arm, and taking my last look around...AHHH, there they were. Beams of light came from the ceiling and created a halo around the WHOLE rack of them. I purred like a kitten no, a tiger and attacked the rack.

As I entered the dressing room, I set the Seven's apart from the rest. I tried on all the other ones just to see how they fit. I actually like the Paige Jeans a lot, and almost bought some, but as soon as the Seven's went on, It was like coming home after a long trip. These are home for my ass! I ended up purchasing a pair of the Dojo style. They have a wider leg, than a boot cut, but not really flared. They're SWEET!!!!!

I now have 4 pair in my closet, but the one pair I was the proudest of, I need to sell. I don't think I'll ever fit into them ever again. The day I put on, and actually fit into a size 24 jean was a fabulous one. I only wore them 3 times, and then I got pregnant. Figures. I thought about holding onto them, for inspiration, but maybe that's stupid. I'm sure someone else would enjoy them. And "NO" they are not out of style! If any of you know someone who wears a size 24 and wants to bye a pair of designer jeans, let me know, otherwise, I'll take them to a resale shop.



Later today, it's off to the tailor to have them hemed. I need to were them as soon as possible!!

My New " Official" Friend

About two months ago, I was at the park with V and A, swinging them on the swings. I saw a young woman with a baby walking over. Instantly V started pointing and screaming "Bahhh Bahhh Bahhh Bi!" for baby. "Yes, It's a baby" I replied, and the woman walked right over.




I was surprised she wasn't Eastern European, like most woman at the park are. She said hello, and asked the normal questions, "how old are your kids? are they twins?" etc... so, back and fourth we went. I was happy to find out that she lives only a block and a half from us, and her son is about a year old. She just quit her job to stay home with her son, and was in need of some advise, or just needed to vent. In a matter of 1/2 hour we had hit it off. I told her that I come to the park every day, and I'd see her again soon.



Over that past few months, we'd see one another at the park, sit with the kids and swap stories. I referred to her as my "new friend". She had grown up around us, and seemed pretty down to earth. We actually have a lot in common, and I was exited to see her at the park, 'cause I knew I'd have some adult conversation. About a week had passed, and I hadn't been to the park. I felt bad, so I decided to write her a note, and wrote my number down for her if she ever wanted to get together during the fall or winter. As I wrote it, I thought
" Is this too fast? Am I being too forward? Will I scare her off?" I guess it's the feeling of having a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Are there rules here? I had made friends after high school and college, but they are people I worked with and saw on a daily basis. Eventually, I became social enough with these people to hang out with them, and, to this day, am very close to them. I never thought meeting someone off the street would be this ...awkward.



So, a few days ago I we ran into one another at the park. She came with an invitation to her sons 1st Birthday party, and we talked about the girl I use for a baby sitter. I had offered to share my baby sitter with her, because I really didn't need her on a weekly basis. I knew my friend had started to look for someone, an since the girl that watched V and A is so great, I thought I'd share the love.



After talking with the babysitter, and making sure she'd be o.k. with it, I called my friend to give her the phone #. The phone rang, and I was nervous. Wait, I'm Thirty Three (almost)and I can't call a person who lives down the street? I'm good at this! I'm pretty cool, I can make a new friend, who doesn't like... ME?
Feww, voice mail. I leave a short message with the babysitters phone number. About an hour later, my "friend" calls me back to let me know that she got my message, and she called the sitter and made arrangements. She then asked what I was doing later (!!!?)



Is this a date?



"Ummm, nothing, what do you want to do? Do you want to go out, or stay around here? Wanna come over?"



"sure" she replies, "I'll call you when the baby wakes up".



At about 3:30, she calls me to let me know she's on her way. I got very exited! A play date, how fun. So we sat around for about two hours, and talked. She's pretty funny. We shared dysfunctional family stories, pregnancy stories, the whole bit. It was great!



So, today my friend calls me to thank me for referring her to the babysitter. It just so happens that the sharing situation is going to work out really well. We sat on the phone for a while and talked. She then she tells me how thankful she is to have met me, and how funny it is to make a new friend. She had mad the "dating" reference, and how long she thought she should she wait to call me, two or four days. It was really funny. I think it's great that she felt the same way.



It's official, we're friends.

Leashing your child

Last Sunday, Rick and I took the kids to the Zoo for the first time. We had such a great time. It was a little hot, but we managed. I made sure V and A were napped and fed, to ensure their happiness, and ours.

The kids were so exited to see the animals, and we were exited for them. A was screaming with joy when she saw the dolphins, and V started signing for elephant once we strolled upon them. At the Children's Zoo, they were able to get up close to the farm animals, V even touched a goat. There is this gated in area where the kids can follow goats around and brush them. V was happy holding my husbands hand, and just admiring everything from afar, but our darling daughter was like a caged animal herself. She darted around just happy to be free from the stroller. A is so fast now, and HATES it when we hold her hand. She goes into a tantrum and throws herself on the ground and jumps on her butt. At that point we have to scoop her up and carry on with the day.




After the monkey house, we let her run down the path leading back to the stroller area. She again took off, and started greeting other people. At one point our littler angel, stumbled upon a man with a baby. She pointed and said "bahby, bahby!!" and approached the man (who seemed as though he enjoyed a few too many of the Zoo beers). This man reached out to A saying in a thick accent, " Ahh, beautiful child!!, Come Come here", and tried to pick her up. My husband immediately, snatched A up and walked toward me and V, and told our social butterfly to say goodbye. She kicked and screamed for a few seconds, wanting to be put down.



A just started walking 6 weeks ago, and is already little miss independent. I fear she'll be one of those kids who will disappear in a second, when you're attention is taken off of her. I have heard too many stories of kids vanishing, luckily found, but I don't want to experience the horror of losing a child. If I am ever with them by myself, I know she'll take off on me. V, on the other hand, will be hanging on to me with out a problem. I have seen people who have these backpack harnesses for their kids. Some adults think it is stupid to put your kid on a leash, but I think sometimes, you just have no other choice.



My dear sister-in-law picked one up for me at Wal-Mart, she was going there anyway, and saved me the trip. I really think that is is a necessity, if you are in crowds, and can't put them in the stroller for some reason. Safety first right?

My Dermatological Experience

I finally made my visit to the dermatologist. I had two reasons for being there:



#1: get checked for and suspicious lesions on my body



#2: yes, i had two warts (eewww!)



I guess working in a medical/dental office, i see things that maybe the average person wouldn't. I'm not saying I had a bad experience, but my expectations were not met entirely.



I stood at the window, and watched a sea of people in scrubs standing around, laughing, and chit-chatting. Some people were sitting at a computer and working, but there seemed to be quite a few looking as though they were doing nothing, but what do I know. I try to make eye contact with anyone, to announce that I have arrived, and that I am late. Yes, Yes, I was late, and that may be the reason why they didn't roll out the red carpet for me. I tried to call, but my cell phone wouldn't pick up a signal.



You see, if this were to happen in the office I used to work in, we would have been lectured. In the past, If I was behind the desk, talking to another girl, and the front desk people were busy, I would have acknowledged the patient, and offer to help with checking her in. If any of us were unable to be of service to a new patient, we were forbidden to hang out at the front, because the doctors thought it looked like we were lazy. Now, being on the other side, I see what they mean.



I finally get a girl to look at me and say "hi there", she says hello back, and continues her story about the storm that blew through late last week. I am now starting to get impatient, as I'm about to crawl over the desk, and scream, finally, a woman walks over. I tell her my name, and that I know I'm about 10 minutes late. I offered to re-schedule my appointment, but she says "no, your fine"



I fill out my paper work as fast as I can, and supply the woman with my ID and insurance info. A few minutes later, a nice nurse takes me back and has me sit down. She goes over my medical history, and quickly asks me some questions. She tosses a gown at me, and blurts something out as she exits the room. I never got her name.



The P.A. walks in, and asks me why I am there. I explain that my brother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 1 melinoma, and that I would like to be examined for anything funny looking, and of course...the warts!. I do show her one spot on my leg that has changed over the years. The P.A. has me sit back, and quickly looks at by body. She explained that I have TONS of freckles and other pigmentations (no shit!), and some swelling of may hair follicles, but nothing concerning (except for the one on my leg). I felt that glancing at someone in the sitting position was not a very comprehensive exam...but again, what do I know? All I know is that some people who have had a complete scan, get naked, and every spot on there body is examined, and charted.



Anyhow, she offered to biopsy the one on my leg, and freeze off my warts right there. I opted for just the freezing of the warts, and I'll return for the biopsy.



I sign a consent form for that procedure. The P.A. then takes a torch looking device filled with liquid nitrogen, and sprays the first one. HOLY CRAP!!! It felt like she was holding a lit cigarette on my finger. She then shoots the other one, thank god, the second was less painful then the first. She gave me some simple instructions for after care, and tells me to make an appointment in two weeks for the biopsy.



Today, I have these nasty blisters surrounding my warts, but I guess it's like any burn.



Don't get me wrong, everyone was really nice, once I got in, but it all felt a bit rushed. I wouldn't say I am a difficult patient, but if I'm paying for a service, I'd like to at least believe I'm being taken good care of. Maybe some offices take the "mole scan" to the extreme, and un-necessarily make the process last a long time. I thought it would take more then 2 minutes though. I will go back in two weeks, and comment if I'm rushed again (I'll make sure I'm on time). I usually bring baked goods to all my doctors, but if I am not satisfied after my next visit, they won't be worthy of any cookies.

The East Side v.s.The West Side

every summer, the 900th block of my street( i live in the 800th) has a BASH of a block party. my husband and I have always wondered why we were never invited. silly us, we thought the whole street, which consists of three blocks, had one big block party which converged in the center (the 900th block). we thought, "well, we might be the weirdo's, the one's without kids. the crazy italian guy and the anti-social wife. the neighbors with the obnoxious dog who barks at anything that passes by".


then, about two months ago, i was frantically digging in my yard, when i was disturbed by a "hi there!" it was a neighbor from down my block inviting me to the block party and getting signatures for the permit. she introduced herself, and her daughter. i found it creepy that she seemed to know quite a few details about us, but i had never met her before. i didn't really care tho', i was just so exited that we were included! i asked Mrs. So and So, if there was anything i could do to help. she said " no, just be present". and walked away with a smile.


the next day i was chatting with the woman who lives across the street from me anne, but on the coveted 900th block. i mentioned that Mrs. So and So, had stopped buy for the block party signatures. she gave me a funny look and said,
" but you're not part of our block party. you're block must be having one on their own this year. as a matter of fact we (meaning the other ladies on her block) were going to invite you to our block party."


i thought this was silly, "aren't we all on the same street?" i asked.


"yes" she replied, " but in the past, the other blocks never wanted to participate, or help coordinate, so we just don't ask your block. Mrs. So and So, who is putting together yours this year, will not cooperate with the girl who plans our block party. and they happen to fall on the same weekend".



fast forward to this past monday:


we received a piece of paper in our mailbox reading:


coming to the 800th block of %#*@#% avenue, the summer block party!


come meet your neighbors!

bring your favorite dish for a pot luck dinner at 4:30

if your family has a favorite game to play, bring it along.



this sounded fun enough... right?


well, my husband took one look at it and said "what is this shit?, what are we going to do, stand around? who is bringing tables? what dish do we bring?"



he marched out to the neighbor anne to show her the weak invitation.

he came back about 10 minutes later saying,



"we aren't going to our own block party! they (900) start planning theirs in february. they all contribute money, and one family goes shopping for brats and burgers, half the block brings desert, and the other half brings side dishes. they have a whole itinerary starting at 12pm, of games for every age. the have a raffle for everything to a one month membership to the local gym to cubs tickets! and they hire a band!"


i said, "look, we'll go to our own party, bring a dish, and then meander over to the east side because we were officially invited."


so, yesterday morning, i set off to the grocery store for items to make a pasta salad. on the way home, i pass through the 900th block and see the men rolling out kegs, setting up water misters, grills, tents, tables. it was amazing! when i made it to my end of the block, and saw...nothing but the home schooled kids running barefoot through the streets.


"keep an open mind deen, you don't know any of these people, they could be really nice"



after the kids woke up from their afternoon nap, we set off to meet the neighbors. as we rolled the kids in wagon down our walkway, we see a fire truck giving families rides on the latter lift thing. i thought this was pretty cool. the babies were exited to see the fire truck, and screamed with excitement.


we approach the 12 people standing in the street, and introduce ourselves. they had a little table in the street with lemon aid and cookies. i started to get flash backs of the men with the kegs, and the tubs of pop, and bottled water i saw just a few hours ago.


the not- so- fine ladies of the 800th block began to bash the 900th block, calling them "block party nazi's", and saying they were too good to join forces with the rest of the avenue. great, this is all i need, freekin' complainers!! soon after we arrived rick took our daughter to the real party down the street, leaving me there with the degenerates whipping water balloons at each other.


i happened to strike up a conversation with a woman i see at the park from to time to time. the lady was very nice, but she literally talked my ear off, because when i finally broke away to find my husband, they were ringing.


so, i roll our son down the street in the little red wagon, yelling promises of my mediterranean pasta to the others, to find my husband and daughter. as i roll up, i see the other kids having their faces painted, grills blazing, and a children's bicycle parade. there had to be about 60 people out there. it was suburban nirvana.

i finally found my hubby sitting by the keg, whooping it up with the other men.


"there's my wife!" he shouts


he proceeds to introduce me to about twelve people, and tells me how i need to join forces with the women who create this day of family fun. he then then shoves a nice, ice cold cup of keg beer in my hand. i smile.


after the men's doughnut eating contest, jamie, the master mind of the summer party approches me and says,

"dina, thank you for coming, your husband tells me we can count on you for some help next year! did you get a beer yet?"

i finally felt like part of the community after almost 7 years. later that evening, after we brought the kids home and put them to bed, i walked back down to join the other wives beside the keg. we listened to to band, and watched the older kids run around with sparklers squeeling with delight. it was almost like watching a movie. it was a good time!

needless to say, the pasta salad ment for the not-so -fine party is still chilling in my fridge. the girl from the west side, found her place with the "party nazi's" on the east side. i look forward to many more summer time block parties with these people. who knows, we may even invite you.

Havoc On The Dock

Yet another year of family fun!! The Ukrainian Havoc Squad returns to the dock at Lake Lanier in Gainesville, Georgia.

For those of you who do not know, my mothers side of the family has a reunion weekend. This ever growing brood, manages to pack into my cousin's gorgeous, and spacious home. It's practically a mini resort, with a theater, plenty of bedrooms and bathrooms. There is a workout room, and a bar in the basement. The dock is where the day fun is. A pontoon, and speed boat, two wave runners, and plenty of floatation devices are at our disposal.

This year was so different, but just as fun. Our family had expanded by five. Madison, Vaughn, Avery, Otto and Arden were all new to the scene, and made the daytime fun a bit tricky, but we all were in the same boat. I think most of us were just genuinely happy to be spending time together. The highlight for me and Rick, was spending a whole day out, while the Grandmothers and Great Aunts watched the babies. We went to an old gold mining town, shopped at the outlet mall, and finished the day off swimming, drinking, and racing on the wave runners. Paula, Casey, Rick and I floated around in the lake, reminiscing, and having some good old belly laughs. Rick and I also had the chance for some much needed reconnecting.


As always, I left with tears in my eyes, and a lump in my throat. This family I am so lucky to be a part of, is so much fun and FULL of POSITIVE VIBES!!! When things get messy, these people always seem to find clarity. I don't think any of them complained about a single thing. Every time i think of the crazy Ukrainians, I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside, and wish we could see each other more often.

I can't wait until next year. It may not be any easier traveling with two 2 year olds, but it is worth it!!!

Happy Birthday Richie!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my ONE and ONLY!!!

A MAN who gives so much, but never gives himself enough credit. A GUY who can talk to anyone, and make them laugh. A DAD who tries to give the world to his wife and kids.

I love you, even if you get grouchy.


Happy Happy Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!

Ta Dah!!!!!!!

Here it is!
I bit the bullet, and chopped my hair. It is shorter that we originally planned, but I really like it. It will take some getting used to, but it's fun and I always wore it in a ponytail anyway. Now, I can have my dear husband massage my head like I massage his. I can run without having to worry if I have a rubberband, and not use as much shampoo. I will have to visit my stylist more often tho'... who cares.

I think I can...???

Yes, so this poll is an idea i stole from my sister (what are big sisters for, right?)

I have an appointment for a hair cut in 2 days, and everyone ,including rick, says i should get the "Victoria Beckham" cut. Is it like the "Rachel" cut from friends? Like Samson, will I lose all my strength if i lose my hair? My hair hasn't been really short since i was 10 years old. I'm so afraid that I'll hate it, have nothing to do with it, maintain it, etc... I feel like my body won't match the hair. If I had Vickie's body, I'd shave my head. Hell, who needs hair if you look like that!
So, what do you all think? Ye or Ne ?

No, I am not going blonde.

What's Yer Poison???

I have determined that I have some strange reaction to Tequila. These past few times I have enjoyed a fine frozen Margarita, I end up having vivid nightmares that wake me in a frenzy.

About a month ago, I joined a bunch of lovely ladies for Mexican food, and had a couple of Margaritas. That night I had multiple dreams involving insects in my bed. I woke up at least three times slapping myself, and swiping the covers to get them out. My husband we furious with me, and the next morning told me, he would rather sleep on the couch, than endure another night of insanity. I attributed these strange happenings to the prevalence of the cicadas, and forgot about it.

Last night, we took the twinkies out to dinner to our neighborhood Mexican restaurant. Of course, I ordered a Margarita. We had a wonderful time. The kids were great as always, and having a Margarita makes everything fun. We came home, put the kids to bed and watched a little T.V. I had my prophylactic 2 Advil, with a glass of water (I'll never take a chance of even a mild hangover) and went to bed. Early this morning, I awoke scratching and slapping my head. I wasn't sure why, so I went back to bed. A few hours later, I had a dream that the twinkies had tiny bugs crawling on them. I looked in the mirror and saw them coming out of my hair. I ran to the sink and tousled my hair to find LICE!!!! It was HORRIBLE.
I have never had anything like this happen to me with other cocktails. I love any kind of Martini, and sleep like a baby at night.
Strange- isn't it?

The Lioness Roars

here we go!

i am, again, struggling with SOCIETY! actually, i think my husband is the one struggling with them and i'm the one counter- acting against him.

here is the story.
my precious little babies are not walking yet. BIG EFFING DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are going to be 14 months old, and they have been (according to the stupid books) hitting their physical milestones late by two months.
i have closed my books A LONG time ago, but it's the PEOPLE out there who REMIND us that they might be "behind". two people last week couldn't get over the fact that they are so "tiny". three people this week have referred to my children as "lazy". we were also told that our daughter is smarter than her brother because she is more driven to walk. lastly, i'm sick of the condescending, "oh, it's o.k. they were early right?".

first of all, my books are not the problem. i read as much as i can and take what i want from them. the right books give a range of milestones, and are sure to tell you that every child is different.

what baby is lazy??? babies are always busy. my kids never stop moving, talking, playing. no, my son is not the most agile 14 month old, but neither was i. i think i was about 16 months old when i finally started walking, and i'm not horribly challenged (alright, maybe mathematically). why would a girl walking before a boy mean he is not smart, or that she is smarter than he is??

oh, and for the record, 36 1/2 weeks gestation is not really early for a twin pregnancy, or for a singleton pregnancy for that matter. my children are fine!!! neither the pediatrician or i, are concerned about their development. i think daddy is the one who is really worried that his kids are...slow, or a wussy, or heaven forbid, turn out like him (his words).
when people call my kids "bad", or "lazy" the claws come out! look, i'm not the type of mom who won't own up to her kids bad behavior, don't get me wrong. i encourage you people to call my kids out on the wrong things they might do. i don't want V and A to go around thinking they can do or say whatever they want and only mom or dad will reprimand them. i do , however, think the correction has to be warranted. dropping food on the floor doesn't make a 14 month old a "bad girl", and not walking doesn't make a 14 month old "lazy".

unfortunately, we live in a world of percentiles, labels and over achievers. the little league dads and soccer moms cursing from the sidelines when their child's team loses. or, grounding their son because he didn't get straight A's on his spelling tests. what the hell are we teaching them?? that, if they are not up to par, they're "lazy". we wonder why so many kids get depressed, have anxiety, and pull out their own eyelashes. we do it to them! so, i have to protect my kids. i want them to feel good about who they are, and concentrate on the things they do well. it's harder to forget a negative than remember a positive. the old "sticks and stones" saying, is not true. words can crush a delicate self esteem, and name calling definitely does hurt. i'm not going to be polite anymore. the next time i feel my children are subject to name calling, i will attack!!

i have been called names, we all have. i once had a teacher tell me, in anger, that i would never make it to the next grade. to a 9 year old, it means "your stupid". my husband calls himself stupid almost everyday, and it breaks my heart to know why he thinks so.

i'm sure one of you can remember something someone has said to you as a child that will be with you forever.

Cleanliness is Godliness

i do not consider myself to be a clean freak by any sense of the word (trust me, i know of people who are psychotic about cleaning), but upon discussion with my friends a while back, i realized my idiosyncrasies are not uncommon. in fact, many others share the VERY same quirks.

everyone has a way of functioning in they're own home, or even at the work place. here is a list of my O.C.D. tendencies.

TOTAL MELT DOWN: when my dishwasher is loaded the wrong way, or towels folded incorrectly. yes, this is a big deal to me!!!!

Cooking: i need to clean as i cook. i put everything away as i am preparing food. i can not have a counter top cluttered with culinary paraphernalia. this makes post dinnertime cleanup much easier.

Put IT Away!!! : if your finished with the news paper, fold it back up and bring it to the recycling bin, do not leave it scattered on the dining room table, counter top, or around the toilet. no one will take interest in it and decide to read it. when you're finished making PB&J, but the bread in the pantry, screw the lids back onto the jars and place back into the fridge or lazy suzan. for god's sake, clean off the knife before throwing it into the sink...lead to next topic.

Clean it off: i need to wipe off all excess spreads off my knife either onto the bread or paper towel before i use it for something else ( PB&J, i don't like crumbs, or jelly floating around in the peanut butter jar...Gaggging) i have the need to clean my plate. it's not that i over eat, i serve myself a small helping, but need to scrape or sop up everything. it kills me to see hunks of tomato, or that last few grains of rice on rick's plate. he has the opposite philosophy, and needs to leave something on his plate. when i feed my kids, i use that rubber spoon to remove all bits of anything from that bowl.
my kitchen sink needs be clean all the time. i hate, hate, HATE food left spattered on the sides, coffee stains, even soap bubbles on the bottom. i even have a special rotating tooth brush i use to buzz off an kind of build up on the faucet. my sink also has a "clean side" and a dirty side". i know not everyone knows this, but it really bothers me when people put dirty stuff in the "clean side".

well, that's really it. I could go into other habits and rituals, but the 4 highlighted, are the most important. i am a bit un-organized, or less tidy in other areas. maybe if i put less energy into these 4, and more into others, my desk wouldn't be as cluttered, my closet wouldn't have piles of shoes in them...the light just went off in my head.

what the hell am i doing??? i gotta go organize my closets.

My 1st 5k

I did it!!! I am so proud of myself. I have never run in a race, well, since I was a kid anyway. I just wish I had participated in some 2 years ago when I was running 15 miles a week and 115 lbs. I would have been awesome. I figure that today I ran really well, and I'll only get better. I really didn't prepare much, and I think this will give me good motivation to kick my own ass again. I really loved the competition aspect of it. Here you are, passing other people, and it makes you feel good. When those you've passed, come up on your heals, it pushes you to move more. I was smart about it tho'. I think I paced myself well, and as I approached the finish line, I just bit the bullet, and sprinted with hopes I wouldn't trip and get some serious road rash. So, my time was 30:51. YEAH!!! I don't remember running 3.1 miles that fast...well in high school ( yes, here comes Al Bundy), when i did a 1/2 triathlon. The 5 mile run was at the end, and after biking 10 miles, swimming 1 mile, I still ran under 10 minute mile. All in 90 degrees. Ah yes, my glory days. To be 16 again.
Anyhow, I plan to run at least 2 more, and better my time. Until then, I have to get back in the groove.

Losing ground

i hate to admit it, but i came unglued this weekend. despite all my efforts, and the hard work of my husband i just couldn't keep it together. i think i saw it coming for a few days, but yesterday, i just broke down and needed to flee.

you see, my children are becoming toddlers. not yet walking, but have gained independence, and then have realized they are dependant on us. avery especially. putting her down for naps and bed was NEVER a problem. she was my "good sleeper". you could set a clock to her sleep routine, and when she woke from her ever- so- peaceful slumber she was happy to play and talk to herself in her crib. now, putting her down for anything is a struggle. she flips over and stands in her crib screaming and biting the wood. we have gone back to sleepless nights, waking about every two hours to screams to find her sitting up and pulling her hair out of frustration because she hasn't figured out how to lay back down. we'll find her asleep sitting up with her head against the bumper of the crib and try to decide whether or not to lay her down, for fear of waking her. my little egg time has become a ticking time bomb.
the time i had to myself is staring to dwindle away again. i know nothing is easy, and they are people, not robots, but it so much easier to say it when your babies comply. i feel like i have a newborn again, and it sucks!!!! i'm back to having anxiety for the nap times i had all to myself, and for the 12 hour sleep filled nights, because these are no more. i'm afraid vaughn will follow in avery's tiny foot steps, his history is so. vaughn was a terribly restless sleeper the first 8 months, and the past 4 have been bliss. but it will change, right?

so, yesterday i snapped. i screamed and cried, and stomped my feet like a 5 year old. i wanted to hit someone, throw something and stomp on it until it was broken into a thousand pieces. thankfully, rick gave me the go ahead to get out. i put on my running shoes, and pounded the shit out of the pavement. i ran and imagined the concrete breaking under my feet. i ran, and ran faster and faster until my chest hurt, and tears streamed down my face. i didn't care how sore i'd be the next day, it just felt so good to feel free. i feel helpless, and afraid to take the days on by myself for the rest of the week. i feel resentment for the people who have nannies, and mothers, and mother-in-laws to bail them out so they can just decompress. i hate when they talk about how hard it is, and go to work the next day or drop their kids off for the night at the grandparents house. i hate that i have to do the laundry, i have to balance the check book, vacuum the dog hair, make appointments for other people, and try to take a shower in one god damn day. not to mention, wrangle two kids. i want someone to pick up the pieces for me. i don't want to hear "i told you so!", or any stupid anecdotal phrase. i just want it to stop. i want to do something unplanned, because everything i do, i have on that stupid calender. i hate it right now!!! i have always been so selfless, and now i have nothing left for me. i, for the first time see how mothers can get depressed. and i hate myself for understanding that. i don't want to be one of those women who get lost. i don't want to have resentment. i want to enjoy the now, not wish my babies would grow up, so i can get through this, and get some sleep. i know this is only a rough patch, and it will pass. for know it is just that, rough!

The sound of music

the cicadas are emerging, and i'm obsessed. every night, i check the lawn and my trees for the lil' buggers. this morning i stepped outside to their lovely sound. i know this is strange to most people, but the sound i so regularly imitate, is the sound of summer (to me anyway). i'm afraid that they will consume my yard tho' (figuratively speaking). having the babies, and being outside as much as possible, these friends of mine may be the summer party crashers, until they die off in july. anyone inundated with them?? some areas will be worse than others, and knowing some treas on my block are 100 years old, i thought i'd have more. so far, i'm not finding any in my yard...yet. don't worry, i'm not planning on making any cicada cookies or muffins.

Hair Removal : Ist session

so, i had my first light hair removal session. it is not a laser, but a pulsed light handpiece. the light flash seeks the pigment in your hair, and disables the follicle from producing hair. i have to go back 9 times for total hair loss in the areas. what is nice is, if any hair grows after treatment, they will see you free for a whole year to guarantee the hair will not grow back. during the consultation, the woman had asked me if i wanted to have a full bikini treatment
( brazilian, in other words). now after having children, modesty kind of disappears, but i couldn't imagine having a pulsed light handpiece pointed in some of those areas. do i really want to be 70 years old with a "telly savalis"?? i don't think so. anyhow, i purchased the regular bikini treatment, and got underarm treatment for free (yeah). i am looking forward to not having to shave, or wax these areas ever again. WHHHOOO WHOOOOO!!!!!
i arrived to the suite, and was greeted by a very nice girl, who offered me a glass of water and a breath mint. " does my breath stink?" i think to myself. i take one anyway. and sit down. luckily, they took me in right away. needless to say i was a bit anxious, because i had no idea what to expect. the esthetition (we'll call her "E") who would be treating my areas, was really sweet and kinda quiet, so i started my nervous talking thing. which would eventually get me to my ultimate question.

"so E, are you busy this time of year?"
"how long have you been here?"
"are you married?"
"do you have any children?"

" E, how much is this going to hurt???"

i know they described it as a snap from a rubber band, but how big is the rubber band and how far is the rubber band being pulled? E honestly explained, that she really can't tell me what to expect, because everyone reacts differently. she also told me to stop her if i was in terrible discomfort, but if i had ever had endured being waxed in these areas, that this would be a "piece of cake". now, the one time i had my under arms waxed was THE PITS!!!!! pardon the pun. so , if it was easier than that, i knew i'd be o.k. besides, i had twins, what could be worse than the last few weeks of pregnancy?

so, E fires up the handpiece, gives me a pair of glasses for protection, and begins to blow ICE cold air onto my arm pit. she places the hand piece onto my skin, and i immediately tense up. she fires...i jump "oooh, that wasn't so bad" i say. it was like a hard rubber band snap followed by a burning sensation. she fires again, and then blows the ice cold air onto the area, "ahhh". as she treated the bikini area, i probably jumped every time she fired the handpiece and i don't really know why. it wasn't really that uncomfortable, i guess it was just a reflex, but all in all it wasn't terrible. i just felt like an idiot, because i apologized 37 times, and couldn't stop that either. i still couldn't imagine having a full bikini treatment done. wow!! that would hurt.

reminiscing

i was skimming through my pictures and came across this one. what a beaut! at least i'm smiling (because i have such a great sense of humor). it just so happened to have been taken a year ago to the day. i try to remember how it felt to have two bodies inside me. sometimes, when i have horrible gas pain, i can close my eyes, and it kinda feels the same way. if i could do anything, i would love to go back in time and experience the feeling of both babies churning around. some nights were so uncomfortable, i would cry out in pain. it would feel like vaughn was trying to break my ribs with his legs, and avery would ball up against my liver, but i'll never have that feeling again. how precious. (ha ha)
this time last year, i slept on the couch, bobbled around from chair to couch, to chair again. i was so miserable!!! this picture was taken when the worst was setting in and gaining a pound a day in water. my legs were so swollen it felt like my skin would tear, and i couldn't put my feet together anymore. i begged god (and my doctor) for these babies to arrive, and was so relieved when my water finally broke. the torture would end...and then started a new beginning.
it is so amazing how fast a year goes by. it seams like yesterday. now i look at these babies, soon to be toddlers, and i am in such disbelief these kids came out of me! now that they are on the move, and can feed themselves, it shows how independant they are becoming. now i know what my parents meant when we were growing up. the older we get, the faster time passes. so my friends, savor every moment.

Double, double, toil and trouble.

i was watching my favorite morning show, and they had a witch visiting. she was explaining her practices to the audience. she had prefaced her explanation by saying she did not practice black magic or worship satan, and that witches are often misunderstood. this woman was beautiful, and soft spoken. she even did a love spell with the female host (only to strengthen the love she already shares with her partner). she used, like all other spells, natural elements; salt, flowers, fire, earth, and water. i thought it was lovely.
i got to thinking. what is the difference between wicca and other religions? all have ceremonies with symbolic chanting or prayer, lighting candles, worshiping a higher power, icons, statues, amulets and charms. christians, jews, muslims, and buddists all use and do these things right? each religion has it's own beautiful traditions.
why do people think a witch practicing wicca is different? is it because she doesn't celebrate one god? why would wicca be less divine then other religions? or even evil. i know education plays a big roll in it all. even though i took world religions in high school, i didn't really appreciate the class as i would today. i never absorbed all of the information, so i can't say i know very much, even about my own religion. i guess if you are narrow minded, and unwilling to understand the way someone else worships their highest power, or powers, the "weird one" would be considered evil.

No Soliciters

so many of us have been subjected to unsolicited advice, and i know i share my frustrations quite often. but, i have a hard time saying " thank you for your advice, i appreciate your input." when i really want to say " you know asshole, i didn't ask you in the first place. besides, i would NEVER take advice from you!!"

why in the world do people need to put in their two cents? i admit, i have been guilty of dropping in pennies, but there are some people out there who really need the direction, and in certain instances, biting my tongue is hard to do. as a rule i try not to do it.

the other morning i was shopping at out neighborhood market. this lady was looking for hamburger buns, taking up the whole isle with her cart and her...ass. all i wanted was to quickly grab my item, and continue shopping. i politely said "excuse me ma'am" and squeezed past her. i caught her attention, so she decided to watch me like a hawk. i happened to be looking for some organic soy nut butter (same isle as all the bread products), so i squatted down to take a gander at the selection. i hear her breathing...

" ohhh, (huffing and puffing) what the hell is wrong with skippy, don'tcha like peanuts, or are you one of those natural freaks? you should eat peanut butter, it's better for you. my kids lived off skippy peanut butter."

i just pretend to not hear her, so she talks louder.

"what? you could buy 2 of those jumbo jars for the same price as that little thing!"
trying to contain the rage, i slowly turned around in the squatting position, stood up, threw the jar into my cart, and said.

"ma'am, i don't think i asked for your opinion, did i"
and walked away.

who does that??? i get enough from the people who know me, but from a stranger?

you see, the two things i KNOWi am good at are #1: my previous job. i kicked ass, and it's OK for me to say so. it was the one job i was happy doing. i tried to educate myself in that field to make the job as easy as possible. i think i earned a great deal of respect in that practice, and in turn respected the others around me. #2: my current profession (on paper), parenting. well, i do the same as i did 2 years ago. i just help people and organize the day in a different way. i run my household as i would a daycare center. i know i'm good at it, i'm happy, i am educated in early childhood development, but always read to gain as much knowledge as possible. i know i'm no expert, but it is difficult for me to become accustomed to people questioning me about my kids nutrition, development, nap routine, bed time. when i was working in oral surgery, everyone assumed i had things under control. so for someone to tell me i might be doing something wrong with my kids, infuriates me and i take it very personally. everyone is a doctor, or didn't you know that? it's not like my name is joan crawford, making my kids stare at the same plate of food for 2 days until they eat it, or strapping them into bed at night. i just refuse to allow them to live off cheetos and cookies. they're not anorexic, they won't choose to starve. i will only provide food that contains nutrition. if they are really hungry, they'll eat it. and yes they are starting to develop the selective toddler palate, and certain things they would eat with great gusto, are now spit out or thrown onto the floor. so, i give them another healthy choice. if they don't eat it, i assume they aren't hungry, and mealtime is over. in regards to they're sleeping routine, my kids love it. i don't put them there at strange non-sleeping times for torture so i can relax. i've set their little internal clocks to go to sleep at appropriate times for their age. what is wrong with that? why do people care anyway?? i'm not hurting anyone. in fact, we ( the people under this roof) all find comfort in knowing what comes next. i'm not saying they won't give me a fight at bed time when they get older, i'm prepared if they do, but i won't "fight" back. i'll just simply demand it.

i think people comment 'cause they just don't do it the same way. it's like folding laundry. i have a very specific way i fold towels, and i fold them this way because they fit inside my closet better. i once spent way too much time re-folding towels and putting them back into the linen closet then it would have taken just to fold them in the first place. you are all saying, "whoooa, is she anal", no, well yes, but my closet wouldn't close because the towels were hanging off the edge and pushing on the door. i remember going to my sisters house after my nephew was born, and asking how she likes her towels folded. i assume she likes them folded a certain way, but i wouldn't say to her,
"you know i fold my towels like this because they fit in my closet perfectly, you should try it."
what if her linen closet is configured in a different manner? better yet, why would i care?

i can be hard on people sometimes, i guess there are individuals who are really exited to share they're " tips of the trade". look people, don't get me wrong, it's not like i won't accept advice along the way, but don't expect me to be "oh so gracious" when i'm not looking for it. i know i am doing a pretty damn good job considering i have a over flowing plate. i almost never complain about the difficulty of having twins. there is a reason god blessed me and rick with vaughn and avery. rick and i are a good team, and we have an understanding that most couples don't.

anyhow, now that this is all off my chest, i feel much better. nothin' like some good old venting.

Why The Mimic

O.K., just to clarify. My sister did do a good job describing why, but for those of you who know me WELL, you know I do have an uncontrolable urge to mimic noise (as said). I don't know why I do it, I just do. My friends at work once said they wanted to make a "Dina Soundtrack", of all my sound effects. My favorites are the cicadas and the sirens. I also do this kind of club music beat box thing. Holly, you remember right?? What's funny is, my children, although the don't speak, mimic noises too. Avery barks like a dog. Both make this clucking noise to eachother. It's the kind of clucking equestrians use to make their horses move faster. The funniest is the farting noise they make by pushing air through their sinuses, and out through their noses. How do they learn these things?? When I say "momma" they cluck at me in unison, and laugh. So, it's a house of pure mimicry. I hope they don't start to mimic the other adult in the house. The one who seems to lack the "edit" button sometimes. For those of you who know my husband well, we all know what things can come out of his mouth.
In closing, when late July falls upon us, and the sounds of summer are at their best, think of me in my backyard chirping along in harmony with the beloved cicadas.

Yikes, The First Post!

Well, here I am. Vulnerable to everyone out there. I thought I'd jump on the blogging bandwagon, it seems as though everyone is doing everyday. Peer pressure at it's finest.
I hope this serves it's purpose for me, a little therapy, we could all use some.
I'm warning all of you from the start. If I offend you in anyway...then do not come here again! If you want to grade me on my writing skills, bad use of punctuation...get out!

Enjoy